One of the things I’ve learned producing independent films and trying to get them publicity: it’s really hard to break into national television and radio media if you’re an indie movie. The bookers on Letterman, Leno and all the morning shows will consider your movie if you break $5 million at the box office and are in the top 50 markets… but usually not before unless you’re already a major celebrity.

Still, I would have imagined that an exception might be made for Caveh Zahedi. Over at Zahedi’s blog, the writer/director of the autobiographical I am a Sex Addict is issuing a plea to Howard Stern to book him as a guest. And, truth be told, he does have some things going for him. First, his co-star, Rebecca Lord, is a famous French pornstar who has appeared on Stern’s show several times. And second, Zahedi is marvellously erudite interviewee on Stern’s favorite topic: sex, particularly it’s merchandized, consumer 21st century culture pornographic kind.

Apparently, Stern’s booker has passed on Zahedi, so Zahedi is taking his plea to the web where he’s posting blog entries giving Stern a taste of what he might get if he talked with the director on the air.

Here’s from his latest:

One day, I decided it would be exciting to have sex with a submissive. I got on the phone, and started calling escort services to request a submissive, but it turns out that there are way more dominants in the world than submissives, by a ratio of about 100 to 1. After several hours on the phone, I finally found a submissive named Raven who told me she used to work at “The Chateau.” I had never heard of the Chateau, but I had always been a big Kafka fan so my imagination started to run wild. I made an appointment for Raven to come to my apartment later that night and spent the next several hours fantasizing about all the things we would do together. When she finally arrived, one of the first things she said to me was: “I have really low self-esteem, so please don’t call me any names.” Well, calling her names was one of the things that I had been fantasizing about, but I tried to make the best of the situation. I ordered her around for a while (“bend over,” “get on your hands and knees,” etc.) She was perfectly compliant, but I got bored after only a few minutes. There are only so many things you can order someone to do before it loses its transgressive appeal. Raven had a tattoo of the Egyptian god Anubis, so I asked her about it, and it turned out that we shared an interest in Egyptology. We spent most of the remaining hour discussing the Egyptian Book of the Dead, and as she was leaving, I gave her my favorite book on ancient Egyptian literature.