I remember signing with an agent. As an eleven-year-old actress, the prospect of TV and radio work was thrilling. When I didn’t book a print job, my agent blamed it on the braces. But when I landed a local Cleveland radio spot, my flair for voiceover was celebrated, but not too much. With children for clients, my agent was careful to keep any star-driven egos in-check (even though the moms were bigger hazards). What I remember most during this year-long agency exploit is not the disappointment of frequent rejection or the high of occasional validation; I mostly remember the relationship between my agent […]

I’m walking to a bar after seeing Jonathan Glazer’s Under the Skin in Berlin’s progressively gentrified neighborhood, Neukölln. Our group of four is unanimously in favor of the sci-fi thriller starring Scarlett Johansson. But by the time we take our seats in the bar, rumblings of an argument have begun. When my challenger brings up male-gaze, I say that its existence in cinema may be fundamentally problematic, but for me, its presence in Under the Skin is necessary in the experience of the film. He says his issue with male-gaze actually relates to the objectification of the male subjects, not […]

I remember my first summer in New York. Washington Square Park was my backyard, I had an unconvincing fake ID that somehow worked, and I ate frozen yogurt for breakfast. I also remember spaceship battles and Cylons because when I wasn’t outside living the dream, I was in a Battlestar Galactica fantasy in my dorm room. And when I wasn’t binge-watching the television show, I was dreaming about it. The memories of my first summer in New York are largely constructed around this BSG association; it’s as if the context of my real life has been grounded in the memories of the fantasy one. I similarly refer […]

I’m sitting in a small 190°F room. I have taken my glasses off because I think they’d melt, so I can’t see. Also, I’m naked, as is everyone around me. My friend and I are whispering, most likely disturbing the neighboring nudes, but this is my first time in a Berlin sauna, so I’m not familiar with the collective sweaty silence that Germans call relaxation. As my friend escorts me through the different bathing rooms, I try to keep an open mind because a night at the Stadtbad is a Berlin staple. Twenty-five years ago, two friends also made a […]

I walked out after the first 15 minutes of 50 Shades of Grey. Granted, I thought I was walking into a meeting, so this unexpected private screening caught me off guard. I was also thrown by the venue’s attempt to mirror the film’s billion-dollar company, “Grey Enterprises.” Christian Grey impersonators literally barked orders and insults at the arriving guests. This did not get me in the mood. Also, the film was dubbed in German (which is not to say that I would have preferred to suffer through it in English). Somewhere between the 15 minutes of 50 shades of folly […]

I’m walking up the ballroom steps of Berlin’s Ritz Carlton on the third night of the Berlinale. Around the circular balcony are crowds of men, drinks in one hand, cigarettes in the other. Between sips and drags they survey the arriving guests. The scene is worth checking out — it’s a mix of German film celebrities, socialites and a smattering of film industry who are seduced less by the scene than by the promise of free food. But the sustenance provided during the first two hours is limited to frosted flutes of vodka and second-hand smoke. Feeling starved throughout a […]

In and out of movie theaters, buses, cafes, after-parties, and the crowds of Main Street, the conversations at Sundance Film Festival are exclusively about movies. The fact that the cinematographer of the film you are trash-talking is probably standing behind you is negligible. There is an unrestrained and unforgiving buzz of reviews in Park City, Utah. It’s less that everyone is acting like a critic and more that everyone is just obsessed with talking about film. If you’ve been to theater camp, that’s the vibe. It’s not that I wasn’t excited to see movies and flaunt my personal ratings like […]

I’m with a small group of friends for our inaugural weekly movie night. Thinking that a club name will beget commitment, we arbitrarily choose “Zeitgeist.” It’s the first word we see, frozen on the makeshift projector screen. Zeitgeist Films is the distribution company for our opening film, the first in Laura Poitras’ post-9/11 trilogy and a 2007 Academy Award nominee for Best Documentary, My Country, My Country. For her film Citizenfour, Poitras is one of two female directors nominated for Best Documentary in the 2015 Oscar race. None have been nominated this year for Achievement in Directing. None have been […]

My German teacher in Berlin has been hacked. In class, she violates her “no speaking English” rule to explain that for nearly a year, a hacker has tracked her digital life in order to stalk her in real life. I’ve never been personally hacked — or so I think — but, the inconvenience of it seems rather minor compared to the sense of intimate violation. The Sony leak, the stolen photos of Jennifer Lawrence, and my teacher’s less gossip-worthy admission all underscore this pervasive reality of digital fragility. This is a topical conversation, but it’s also a really abstract one. […]

I’m the first to arrive at a panel on “Sexism & the Film Industry” at the inaugural Berlin Art Film Festival in Kreuzberg. As Berliners trickle in at a considerably early 2:00 PM on a Saturday, I notice that the modest audience is all women. I’m reminded of my conflicting feelings about Emma Watson’s recent HeForShe speech at the UN, a campaign to formally invite men to join the feminist movement. Naturally, a conversation about gender inequality without participation from all genders is insufficient. It’s just that the unspoken camaraderie in a room full of women feels somehow appropriate, at […]